Monday, June 13, 2011

Sweety loved Smartu. He did not love her back. So she killed herself. He was her husband.

Sweety died of a broken heart. Source: Dr. Deb

This post is a compilation of all my tweets about the girl from Patna who committed suicide because her husband was still in love with his girlfriend.  Her diary was printed in a Bangalore paper. This tweet from an Indian journalist is how I first heard about it:

Priya Ramani

Priya Ramani

I find it appalling when women are insensitive to the pain of another woman, especially on matters of the heart. Would you tell a woman who has found herself in a fake marriage and killed herself to escape the pain, to "grow up"? Disgusting tweet.

Now another woman calls this dead woman a "psycho". What wonderful women in the Indian twitterrati. Well done, girls.

Is it a coincidence that these are urbane city women bashing a dead girl from Patna for killing herself over love? Anybody willing to bet these women ooh aah-ed over Juliet and Juhi in QSQT? "Grow up" "psycho".Sweety deserves better.

At the core, Sweety loved Smartu. He did not. He still loved his girlfriend. The marriage was a sham. That's all there was to it. 

There's no need to complicate the story. Yes, her brother and parents didn't notice until too late - because she kept quiet, wrote instead. I read the entire diary extract printed in the paper. She loved him, she was in deep pain, couldn't take it anymore. Her world was shattered.

Sweety chose to take her own life because she felt it was the honourable way out of a bad luck run according to the culture taught to her. Sweety wrote that nobody else is to blame for her decision. She had nothing but kind words for her mayka and sasural and husband.

The culture taught to Sweety says if the husband is not happy, it is your fault.I think a lot of people raised in this culture will disagree. The culture taught to Sweety says you are "pure" if you remain faithful to the husband who does not love you, never has, never will. The culture taught to Sweety says you should take your own life because in this way, you end the problem with dignity. I disagree.

Sweety told her parents she needn't get married too soon since the family did not have enough money saved up. They did not listen. Sweety rebuffed the advances of a male friend and also the son of family friends because she was already in love with her fiancee. Her last words were to Smartu. Get married again, but this time to a girl you love. Not every girl will be like Sweety. Sweety's last words to her parents told them not to blame her in-laws. Last words to her brother said now you don't have to protect me.

Sweety died of a broken heart. Sweety deserves better than the Editor of Mint Lounge bemoaning when will Indian women "grow up"?

Sweety died of a broken heart. Her only companion was her diary. She deserves better than to be called a "psycho" by an urbane woman. I read the entire diary extract. Sweety was not a "psycho" miss x and neither did she need to "grow up" miss y. Urbane women have no clue. Sweety was quite grown up enough, unless you feel romantics and women in love who don't expect betrayal are "immature" as you put it.

Sweety does not deserve disrespect and insensitivity from her own gender.

No apologies or backpedaling proffered when told commentary was insensitive and disrespectful to a dead woman's pain. Mint Editor FTW! I find it appalling when women run down other women, especially when that woman was hurting from a broken heart and killed herself.

Sweety had nobody in Bangalore to talk to. She was from Patna. She kept a diary. Would you call Anne Frank a "psycho"?

I am a small town girl. I am no stranger to a broken heart or betrayal. I've kept a diary all my life. Am I "Psycho"? Am I "immature"?

It looks like Indian twitterrati is commenting without reading the diary excerpt. It is not that she couldn't go back to her parents...her brother came to check on her and weeped. Everybody knew Smartu was having an affair with his girlfriend. It is the waste of her life.

Indian twitterrati fails to appreciate the immense burden Sweety felt herself to be when she realized her marriage was over.

Where to go? Sweety did not WANT to go back and be a burden on her parents. She couldn't land a job. Her marriage was over. Where could she go? I have read the entire diary excerpt this morning. Please talk to me about it. Please don't comment out of ignorance.

The last passage answers this Q "Why didn't she seek divorce and find love elsewhere?" She loved Smartu & culture taught to her. Her husband was terminating the 3 month old marriage in mid June as per the deadline informed to her. Where would she go?

Why don't people understand Sweety did what she did out of self-respect and out of pain and anguish and not wanting to burden her family!

She talked to nobody. She had no one. She wrote instead. She prayed. She interviewed and job hunted. All in family knew. Depression often means silence and immense pain. She wrote down her thoughts and feelings very well. It's crystal clear.

At first her MIL was angry at her, then sad when she realized she herself was at fault for forcing her son to marry.

She had a spate of bad luck.

Her world came crashing down almost immediately after wedding - they never went on honeymoon.

Finally, he took her away for 5 days but was extremely uncomfortable with her. She started to accept the rejection. She even preferred to be left alone. Finally, a day came when they slept separately. That's when she knew it was over.

Btw, when she first arrived in Bangalore, she discovered the bed was bought for Smartu's girlfriend and she was not allowed! When she first arrived in Bangalore, she slept on the carpet until a new bed arrived. She had nothing but bad luck for 3 months.  

After all the rejection from her husband and MIL, her pregnancy test was negative and she was rejected from job interviews. 

It is hard to see the sunshine when it's nothing but rain and clouds for 3 months, exactly the first 3 months of your marriage, now sham.  

Smartu fell in the classic trap. Family, timing, marriage, dowry, heart, love, girlfriend.

It is hard to imagine he will have a successful life in the near future. At the very least, this will haunt him for some time.

Sweety was going to the hospital for a common ovarian cyst syndrome. If she wanted, she could have spoken to counseling. Counseling/Pschyiatrists is not the way to go in India. They have no real useful non traditional answers, trust me, I know.

We're talking about a girl who loved a boy who became her husband. HER HUSBAND! She moved from Patna to Bangalore for him and her new life.

When you're sitting in a pile of crap 3 months high and no one around you, it is not very easy to believe tomorrow is another day.

At this point, I got locked out of Twitter for an hour because I exceeded their limit of 150 status updates per hour.


@nimesh said...

This is a sad story and brought tears to my eyes when I read this post. Can you please share the link to the entire story?

Tys said...

have u read khalid gibran's honeyed poison?

Pundit Commentator said...

Hey Animesh. The link is embedded in the tweet from Priya Ramani and also in my tweet back to her.

Pundit Commentator said...

Were there some particular lines that came to your mind as you read this story?

R Manj said...

Even i had watched program based on Sweety's death called "Me and My Diary" on a Local News TV channel.. it was a one of the sad moment in my life watching that. better she would have conveyed her personal issues with her parents rather than in her personal Diary alone... may her soul rest in peace... let her husband learnt a lot from his mistakes...

Tys said...

This is all i cud find. But the scenario is tragically the same.

Pundit Commentator said...

She did at first but not more later. Her parents and her brother knew about her husband's affair and but not too much more after that.  Her brother visited her and felt insulted when her husband did not come home early that night.  He wept but nobody found a way to take her out of the situation soon enough to save her life.

@nimesh said...

Thanks for sharing this entire story and the link. Here is my opinion on it

yespaul said...

sad story

Shyamraj said...

i think smartu and her mother was the main victim of this case so if possible then hang till death both of them.

Pundit Commentator said...

You mean culprit, not victim, yes?

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